“I found nothing but 50+ bottles of champagne.” - The Secret Diary of a Court Kid, circa’ 1993.
Parents often wonder how their children will be affected after enduring years of family court battles. Acquaintances often offer well-meaning but dismissive remarks like, “Kids are resilient,” or, “At least they get to see both parents.” While some cases result in positive outcomes, those involving a history of family violence often lead to lasting trauma.
Brit Hanson* is one of the many children of the 1990s who experienced the consequences firsthand. Her parents divorced after a violent separation, but despite the history of abuse, the court failed to listen to the children’s voices. Instead, Brit and her siblings were forced to leave their primary caregiver to spend weekends with the abusive parent.
Now, 28 years later, she shares her story, echoing the experiences of countless others still going through the system today.
“I’ve been diagnosed with complex PTSD and have been on all types of medications over the years. My parents’ separation was difficult, but the trauma was made far worse by the fact that we weren’t listened to in court,” she said.
“I was forced to go to a house with a parent who didn’t care whether we were there or not.”
Brit’s* story is not unique. It reflects the failure of a system that prioritizes shared parenting arrangements over the safety and well-being of children. As the family court continues to operate under these outdated principles, more children are being placed in harm’s way—forced into relationships with parents who have been accused of violence and coercive control.
Kids become adults who speak out...But, is anyone listening???
The question remains: How many more voices must go unheard before the system truly puts children first?
To gain a greater perspective of the ‘child’s voice’, Lady News did a call out for lived experience of adults who went through the system as children.
The following is a true story, written by Brit Hanson*.
If you’ve never stepped foot inside Family Court, consider yourself lucky. It’s not a place of warmth. It’s not a place of fairness. It’s a place where decisions are made about children’s lives—quickly, often carelessly, and sometimes with devastating consequences.
I know, because I lived it. ‘Family Court’, these two words, side by side can can hold so much weight.
Family—warmth, love, safety.
Court—conflict, crime, injustice.
It sounds like a place where families are protected, where children are looked after. I once believed that, too. Then I had to enter the system myself.
The truth is, “Family Court” is just a phrase. It sounds comforting, but in reality, it’s a place of confusion, fear, and cold, transactional decisions. The system isn’t built for the people trapped inside it. It never has been.
Even now, at 38—married, with a stable life—the words Family Court still make my stomach turn. I grew up with two father figures—my biological dad and an official stepdad. Today, I have a husband who has shown me nothing but love. And yet, those two words still terrify me. I see my friends, who never dealt with this system as children, now facing it as adults. It makes me wonder—did those of us who went through it as kids learn to avoid it at all costs?
The Mess of Meaning
We’re supposed to learn from history, right? But when “family” means love and “court” means conflict, how do we reconcile the two? Do they cancel each other out? Or do they just leave behind a mess of emotions, facts, and ultimately, disappointment?
The worst part is not knowing what will happen. Will the parent you trust still be there tomorrow? Or will I be sent to live a life of certain hell? Sure, statistics exist. But in 1993, as a child watching my friends grow up in stable homes with parents who wouldn’t scratch each other’s eyes out for profit, control, or fun, statistics meant nothing.
The Reality Behind the Words
On the surface, I looked like the eldest daughter of a wealthy, overachieving family destined for success. In reality, if I had spoken one word of truth, my whole family might have been torn apart. I could have lived without a parent. But without my siblings? Never. That’s why Family Court scared me then, and why it still does now—even though today, as an adult, no one can take my family away from me. But Family Court? It can rip families apart in an instant. And it often gets it so wrong, so quickly.
The System Moves Fast—Too Fast
There’s so much violence in Australian homes that cases often feel like they just need to be solved—fast. That means little care, little time, little attention to the details that actually matter. For me, the worst part wasn’t just the decisions made—it was where those decisions sent me. I remember arriving at my “secondary” carer’s house, feeling exhausted, bleeding from my period, and just needing something sugary to help me feel better. I opened the fridge, looking for juice, cordial, anything besides water to swallow my meds with. Inside, I found nothing but 50+ bottles of champagne.
The Choice That Cost Me
Every fortnight, I was forced out of my safe space and sent to a place that felt foreign, like I didn’t belong. Eventually, I made the decision to stop going. I thought I was protecting myself. Then I learned the truth. My siblings—the people I loved most—told me how much it hurt them. They were now stuck in situations they didn’t want to be in because I had removed myself from the equation.
I never forgave myself for that. I still don’t.
Nothing Has Changed
This is what Family Court still looks like—30 years on. It still scares the hell out of me. Because when it gets things wrong, it’s not just words on paper. It’s real lives. Real families. Real pain.
And no one seems to be listening.
If this story has triggered unwanted feeling or flashbacks please talk to someone you can trust.
1800 RESPECT
Canberra Rape Crisis Centre
Crisis Phone Line: (02) 6247 2525 (7am – 11pm, Monday – Sunday)
Crisis Text Line Only (for deaf and hard of hearing individuals):
0488 586 518 (7am – 11pm, Monday – Sunday)Crisis Team Email Contact: crisis@crcc.org.au
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